Ch-Ch-Changes...

Ch-Ch-Changes...

Sunday, March 23, 2014 / No Comments

I initially began blogging about our experiences with Montessori more than five years ago.  I scrapped my first attempt and began again two years ago.  I've never had a solid plan.  In fact, my initial goal was to prove to my family that we did, in fact, do "educational" things.  I enjoy writing, mostly because I can make better sense of my own ideas when I type them out.  I'm humbled by those who have found my blog and reached out to me on various topics.  While I pressed on, I was still writing whatever came to mind on whatever schedule I could between family life and my children's medical issues.

And then came something a bit unexpected...

I recently began writing a Montessori column for Practical Homeschooling Magazine.  The opportunity has caused me to think seriously about what I want to be when I grow up.  I certainly don't know it all.  I'm simply a mom who adores all things Montessori and is doing her best to adapt it at home.  At the same time, I have worked hard to study and train in the method while providing an education for my children over a number of years.  I'm honored at the opportunity to share my perspective.  My first column was released earlier this month.  How far has Montessori at home come when a popular home school magazine decides to include it in every issue?

If you've been here for a while (Hi, Mom!) then you may have noticed that I recently overhauled the design of my blog.  That's partly because I wanted a better layout and partly because my former profession as an IT pro needed an outlet.  Did you notice?  What do you think?

For the first time, I'm starting to seriously consider my readers and how I can best share what I've learned.  I've stumbled upon a number of hills and valleys on our journey.  I know I'll stumble upon many, many more before my work is done.  My desire is that everyone who chooses to home school finds a path that allows them to be successful.  I also hope to see Montessori grow and mature as a viable home school option.  It isn't easy but the best things in life generally aren't.  If there's something you'd like to hear me talk about, let me know.  I'll do my best to accommodate.

My mind has been flooded with a host of ideas lately.  Some have been set in motion while others are being outlined.  It's exciting to see things come into order.  I don't have a definitive timeline for anything yet but if you want to stay informed, please follow my blog and like my Facebook page.  And of course, I greatly appreciate it when you share Grace and Green Pastures with others.

I do hope to blog more regularly.  At the same time, the medical challenges we face are always looming in the background.  I'm working towards topics that are relevant to families who are beginning or expanding their journeys with Montessori at home.  And yes, I'll still throw in some fun personal moments, my perspective on special needs and my occasional deep thoughts about God.

So let me know what's on your mind.  Where do you need support?  Where do you struggle?

And for a bit of fun, here are some throwback pictures from 2010.

And don't forget to join us on Montessori Homeschooling.

-Bess

I hope you enjoyed my 70s reference.

Ten Truths of Trials

Ten Truths of Trials

Thursday, January 31, 2013 / No Comments

We have been through a lot lately, mostly in the form of sudden, life-altering medical diagnosis for two of my children.  I've cried, been deeply disappointed and found my sense of humor all at the same time.  I've learned a lot myself and the wonderful Lord I serve through the process.  I have tried to accept the situation we're in, although it still feels surreal at points.  Through it all, I have prayed that I could walk away from this experience with increased wisdom.

Here are a few of the truths I have discovered in this early phase of what will be a long journey.

1.  It’s the details that sneak up on you.
I always thought my undoing would come in a dramatic moment when the diagnosis was revealed or another serious piece of bad news was shared.  In reality, those are my bold moments.  When they are upon me I know I must press into God and I am strengthened.  What tends to get me the most is when we're trying to get out the door for a critical appointment, I can't find my keys and then someone manages to spill something on themselves.  It's like the world ended and I can't catch my breath.  I'm doing better at sensing those moments are coming and taking the necessary actions to gain control but there's nothing like a cesspool of seemingly unimportant demands to reveal the raw emotions under the surface.

2.  People will say ridiculous things.
I hesitate to give examples of some of the things I've heard regarding my children's conditions and treatments for fear that someone will recall making the statement to me.  Most issues we're dealing with aren't common and are steeped in myths and misconceptions.  It was hard to hear certain things over and over.  I don't always feeling like being an advocate; educating the masses next to the lettuce in the grocery store.  I suppose one advantage of having *mostly* invisible issues is that we can often fly under the radar in instances where we don't need obvious accommodations.  When I first started dealing with probing questions and borderline insulting comments, it was hard not to take them to heart.  In my worst emotional states I could rant and cry to my husband over a sentence or two for an hour.  I am slowly understand that by and large, these comments are completely innocent and are born out of ignorance.  The sad reality is that we aren't brimming with tact and social graces these days.  And sometimes people just don't know what to say so they open their mouths and start talking.  It doesn't mean it doesn't sting sometimes though.

3.  The silence is deafening.

The flip side to ridiculous comments is those who say nothing.  Generally, this comes from those individuals that we were once close to.  It's amazing how things shift and change when you have to withdraw  from life a bit.  There are those you seem to never hear from again.  It's harder when you know those individuals are aware of your situation but for whatever reason, you have left their thoughts.  My lonely heart has been able to offer up grace for these people as well.  I've come to realize that sometimes silence is the response of those who don't have the necessary words.  There's a bit more painful reality is well and that is that life does move on for others even when I'm standing still.  It's a struggle for most people to keep up with the fast pace of their own life.  I certainly can't expect them to keep up with mine as well.

4.  Your relationships will change.

My husband and I have both found deeper trails to be the great equalizer in relationships.  When the pressure is on they are either a negative or positive influence on your life.  It was hard to let go of the negative ones but I'm thankful that we have.  I never could have predicted who would rise to the occasion vs. who was more concerned about whether our lives were suddenly too dramatic for their liking.  I am thankful that we now have a clearer picture of the character that stands behinds those that support us.

5.  No one will fully understand.

Obviously, I'm nowhere near the first person I know who has faced a significant medical diagnosis with one of their children.  When I saw others go through it in the past, I tried to imagine what it must feel like.  Having been there myself I can now say that it is nothing like I imagined nor could I adequately articulate the experience.  It's unique.  The closest I have come to finding understanding is from support groups specific to each issue.  Even still, it only fills a piece of the void that longs to be understood.   

6.  You will always lose the comparison game.

The aspect of human natural that wants to win does not go away when difficult times arise.  Sadly, it tends to manifest itself in a terrible game of Who's Difficult is Most Difficult.  When someone wants to pull the game out, it's easy to get tempted into playing.  But I will forewarn you, no one ever wins.  Ever.  Trials aren't a competition nor do you need to justify to yourself why you find the situation difficult.  If it's hard to you, it's hard.  If someone else finds their situation hard, it's hard too.  One person's difficulties do not add or subtract from the difficulties of another.

7.  Your family has a separate journey.

Each member of your family, both nuclear and extended, will find their own way to process and cope with difficult situations.  Don't forget that your children (if that is the source for a trial) have other people that love them that need to hurt in their own way.  Not only will the process be different, it will most likely run at a different pace.  It's important to keep this in mind as you try to find support. 

8.  Either your standards or your sanity lowers.

If you like to live in a land of "always" and "never", expect that to change.  When I suddenly found myself inundated with what seemed like endless tasks at a point where all I wanted to do was run, hide and take a nap, things had to get dropped.  In our case, we watched a bit too much TV and ate less healthy food for a spell.  When I felt ready, I put us back on track.  I did feel the temptation to heap my lowered standards on a growing pile of my inadequacies.  Instead, I tried to recognize that I have limits and those limits need to lower when the going gets tough.   

9.  You can still have peace.

In John 14:27 Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  It's true.  Ask for it often.  Expect to receive it.

10.  You can choose to be better.

In many ways, the last few years represent some of the best of my life.  I have prayed long and hard that the Lord might grant me patience and compassion.  My prayers have most certainly been heard.  I'm amazed at how quickly I have become unrecognizable to myself.  There truly are blessings in the valley.  However, I have come to find that these are not automatic rewards.  As I feel myself pressed and stretched, I realize I have a choice with how I respond.  If I stay humble, content in my situation and seeking guidance from the Lord, I can witness vast changes within myself.  If I choose to complain and breed discontent in my heart then I will ultimately find myself bitter and pessimistic.  Either way, the choice is all mine. 

The Unexpected

The Unexpected

Thursday, March 8, 2012 / No Comments

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.
    - C.S. Lewis

This has been a reminder that I desperately needed this week.  I'll share more tomorrow.

My Creativity vs. The Internet

My Creativity vs. The Internet

Thursday, March 1, 2012 / No Comments

My professional background is in Information Technology.  I spent many years as Information Architect and Business Analyst.  Much of my time was spent helping businesses manage their internal content better.  Just as you have probably had to contend with a computer full of useful, yet forgotten documents you can't locate, many companies find themselves in the exact same boat, only it's about 25,000 times bigger.  You can imagine the challenge of distributing critical information to an employee in another country in a timely fashion when that employee doesn't realize what they need exists.  How I enjoyed designing solutions for the modern information worker. 

Obviously, my role today has changed drastically, although my past experience leaves me with a strange fascination with the movement of data through the Internet.  As someone who was highly involved with technology before the Internet was readily accessible, I have been in awe of how quickly it has progressed.  Gone are the days when you had to submit your website to Yahoo and specify the category it should be filed under.  Now we live in the age where "Google" is a verb.

In the past six months I have developed a deep dependance on the Internet for my learning and growth in many aspects of my life, particularly parenting and Montessori home schooling.  Google Reader and Pinterest are enough to provide more ideas then I could ever possibly implement in my home.  While I am grateful for everyone who is willing to enrich my life by freely sharing their ideas, I am starting to notice a decline in something that was once a very prized attribute.... my own creativity.

These days it seems like I have no original ideas.  It's a bit discouraging when I think I've come up with something new only to discover that not only has it been done a million times but those efforts far exceeded mine.  As I spend time each day awash in the vastness of the Information Age, I find myself losing the connection between those ideas which developed within me and those that were the brainchild of someone else.

I fear that my loss of creativity may be, in part, due to complacency.  When I can perform a simple search for ideas and inspiration and in an instant receiving thousands of responses, why bother putting in the time and energy to vet the creative process myself?  Of course the issue is that I'm robbing my mind of something it is longing to do.

So what is the solution?  I'm not sure.  I'm not certain this is really an issue in the first place.  I do think it's important to occasionally let my brain have its fun.  I also think it's important that I maintain my own sense of identity.  But perhaps this is a paradigm shift in how the creative process plays out in a connected, global community.  Or maybe I just need to plan for more time outside without access to the Internet.

Thoughts?   
 



 

Religion and Montessori

Religion and Montessori

Thursday, February 23, 2012 / 1 Comment

Those who are familiar with the Montessori  Method my also be familiar with some of the popular misconceptions.  On multiple occasions I have had others questions me about the foundation of mystical and new age teachings.  I'm not sure where that myth originated but it seems pretty prevalent.  I can't help but chuckle when I heart it.  Sometimes I'm tempted to play along by telling them a magic crystal pops out when you complete the pink tower correctly.

Despite the fact that Maria Montessori was a devout Catholic, the method itself is neutral and does not specifically address religion.  Of course, some schools have affiliated themselves with various religions so you will find a range of Montessori schools including Catholic, Hindu, Jewish and Protestant.

When our family initially approach Montessori, our interests were purely academic, meaning that we saw it as a better way to teach our children traditional subjects such as reading and mathematics.  Over time we have found many ways to apply this method to other areas of our lives.  I have come to find that it isn't necessary to compartmentalize our faith from our education.  In fact, I have found numerous ways in which the Montessori Method has enforced our Christan beliefs.

Love for Others
One of the critical aspects of our faith is that we love others as Christ loves us.  As the world becomes globalized it seems as though our American vision focuses more and more on the individual to the point of ignoring others outside of our borders.  Montessori's focus on geography and culture from a young age are phenomenal for developing global awareness.  As we learn about other lands and their people, we are cultivating hearts for the needs of all mankind.  I am also hopeful that a deep awareness for how others live will help my children develop gratitude for the vast blessings they have been given.

Sense of Community
In a true Montessori environment children are able to work collaboratively.  The environment is theirs and they must work together to ensure it is a place of order.  Montessori also provides tools for conflict resolution.  Too often the American culture teaches that each man is an island.  This is firmly in opposition to God's view of the church community.  He calls us to function as one body, serving each other and looking out for the needs of others as our own.  As a Montessori home schooler, this is the one of the more difficult aspects to replicate.  I have seen some community develop between siblings and my hope is that I can form a local co-op in the near future.  My children do attend a Montessori summer program so they can gain some exposure.

An Awe for Creation
Montessori focuses on the beauty of the natural world around us.  Children are taught a healthy, deep respect for plants, animals and the stars.  When we observe the beauty of a butterfly or the pleasant aroma of a rose we can't help but be in awe of everything round us.  This awe of creation points firmly to the awesomeness of the creator Himself.

Development of Self Control and Internal Motivation
Children learn self control and self discipline through activities like the silence game.  The absence of excessive rewards also help develop an internal motivation.  These characteristics are essential for living out the Christian lifestyle.  Individuals who cannot take control of their thoughts and actions cannot fully serve the needs of others.  Also, if we are going to do good works for the Lord, we must be able to motivate ourselves internally out of love and not rely on external guilt and obligation to drive us.
   

Love of Learning
The Christian journey should be one of learning until our time here ends.  I want my children to approach our Lord with a sense of wonder and joy, always engaged in a life-long process of learning.  One of the best aspects of the Montessori Method is that is strives to fan the initial spark in each child into a passionate flame.  Essentially, children are taught how to learn.

Sense of Self and Solid Reasoning Skills
Through self directed learning, Montessori allows each child to develop a sense of who they are.  This process also allows them to form solid reasoning skills.  As desperate as I am for my children to love Jesus Christ in the way my husband and I do, I want their love to be genuine.  They will not be able to fool God with platitudes.  We try to set a foundation for our faith at home but ultimately it is up to my children to seek in earnest and find their way.  I know this will only happen if they know who they are, have the confidence to ask the hard questions and the reasoning skills to process the answer.  In other words, I want to teach them how to think, not what to think.  The Bible teaches that all who seek will find and that gives me peace enough.


So there are a few ways that the Montessori Method has enriched our Christian faith.  How has Montessori affected your family's core beliefs and values?

Who Wins The Battle of Wills?

Who Wins The Battle of Wills?

Thursday, February 16, 2012 / No Comments

Peaceful Parenting posted the following Maria Montessori quote on Facebook yesterday:

"How can we speak of Democracy or Freedom when from the very beginning of life we mold the child to undergo tyranny, to obey a dictator? How can we expect democracy when we have reared slaves? Real freedom begins at the beginning of life, not at the adult stage. These people who have been diminished in their powers, made short-sighted, devitalized by mental fatigue, whose bodies have become distorted, whose wills have been broken by elders who say: “your will must disappear and mine prevail!”—how can we expect them, when school-life is finished, to accept and use the rights of freedom?"

Sometimes I am surprised by the thoughts and ideas I carry with me into my parenting journey.  Before I had children I bought into the mainstream idea that my main goal as a parent was to control their behavior.  I envisioned lovely times out in public where the slightest sign of disobedience would be immediately corrected by simply giving them "the look".  I knew that no matter how strong their wills were, mine would be stronger.    I now realize that I was planning to go to war with my children long before they were born.

I can see how easy the trap is.  Our society's measure of successful parenting is more focused on developing quiet compliance than it is developing whole individuals, especially in the early years.  The most age appropriate behavior is often frowned upon in public, even at supposedly family-friendly locations.  The sentiments of "control your child" is everywhere.  And let's face it, it's certainly easier in the short term to demand compliance at any cost.

I long to make my home a place of peace where the love of Christ reigns.  There is enough war outside our walls already.  I don't have any great ideas on how to walk this path.  Sometimes I don't even know how to take the first step.  But I know one thing... my children are not my enemy and if I focus on winning, we will all lose.

 

As a bonus, I want to leave you with this post from Little Hearts.

  

Cease Striving

Cease Striving

Thursday, February 9, 2012 / 1 Comment

Back in the day when I was a naive and energetic 20 something, I rattled off all the lofty things I was eager to do for the Lord to a godly, dear friend.  As I paused, waiting to hear how great my plans were, I instead received a simple reply that shocked me.  She said “cease striving”.

Her words stopped me in my tracks.  In some ways I found it a bit hurtful.  Her opinion was extremely important to me.  Everyone else seemed to find my enthusiasm enjoyable and contagious.  The following weeks and months were filled with attempts to more accurately explain myself.  Each time she would lovingly repeat the phrase “cease striving”.

I continued on my path, trying to take her words to heart.  She ended up leaving our church and over time, we slowly grew apart.  Even though it has been 10 years, her words still echo in my head from time to time.  I knew they were supposed to mean something even though I couldn’t figure out what… until now.

Last month my husband and I started attending a home group.  We have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan which the Lord has used to reveal a great truth in my life.  He wants me to cease striving.

Sometimes I forget how unimportant I am.  Sometimes I forget that God doesn’t need me.  I can’t really do a single thing FOR Him.  Ever.  If I were a wiser woman I would take comfort in that sentiment.  However my over-achieving, people-pleasing nature thinks that somehow I will make God love me more if I do a lot for Him.  After all, that’s what a good Christian does, right?

The problem with striving day in and day out is that this kind of behavior is motivated out of fear and guilt.  I do the things I do because I HAVE to.  I MUST do them.  And here I wonder why I have difficulty finding joy in all things.

God loves us, not what we can offer Him or do for Him.  Just us.  He ultimately wants our heart, not our hands.  When we can really embrace that truth we will start to want Him in the same way… not for what He can offer us but for who He is.

The beauty of this scenario is that we will still do things for the Lord, great things, but the motivation will be our love.  When He becomes our beloved, our will conforms to His and we desire His path.  The things we want to do will be one and the same with the things that please Him.

If you have also found yourself serving out of obligation, whether it be in your church, community or your family, I want to encourage you to pray and ask your heavenly father to help you be still and recognize the great love He has for you, just you.  May you drown in the depths of His amazing love and most importantly, cease striving.

Starting at Zero

Starting at Zero

Thursday, February 2, 2012 / No Comments

Welcome to Thoughtful Thursday.  Here I share whatever has been on my mind this week about parenting, our walk with the Lord and life in general.
 
One of the realizations I’ve been grappling with lately is that our children begin their lives with virtually no knowledge.  They don’t know the number 7, but see, it’s bigger than that. They also don’t know:

• It’s spelled seven
• It’s the number of days in a week
• It looks like 7
• It’s the quantity:  X X X X X X X
• It’s the sum of 3+4
• It comes before 8
• It comes after 6
• It’s an odd number

It puts a whole new spin on just teaching numbers, doesn’t it?


Of course, this is one tidbit of information, arguably merely academic.  While we tend to relegate learning to academic pursuits the truth is that for a young child, every aspect of life is learned.  Everything!  It begins with *simple* tasks like how to roll over or hold a crayon and progresses through the complex such as cooking a gourmet meal or mastering an instrument.  Here are just a few areas they must address:

• Personal Care and Healthy Living
• Character Development and Social Skills
• Domestic Skills and Financial Management
• Critical Thinking and Decision Making
• Traditional Academic Pursuits
• Enrichment and Extracurricular Pursuits
• A Right View of God and Biblical Life Application   

Obviously, when I talk of a child starting from zero I am not referring to the traits their unique personalities bring or the inherent awareness of God we each possess.  Instead, I am referring to the knowledge they will gain, and gain at an unprecedented rate.  As overwhelming as the amount of items on that list might seem, I find myself even more overwhelmed by the reality that I am responsible to facilitate this learning.  The stanch reality is that if they do not learn critical items AND learn them correctly, their adult life will lack.  Let’s face it, we can easily point out those adults who made it through childhood without an understanding of how to manage their finances, eat healthy or even wash their own laundry.  But those skills are simply tasks!  What about those who can’t make good decisions, are hopelessly self-centered, can’t get along with others, are rude or have no moral standards?

This whole idea has brought me to two conclusions.

#1 – I need to be more patient and available to my children.  I often catch myself upset with something one of my children has done (or not done) only to realize that I never taught them the correct way to do it in the first place.  Sure, I may have quickly mumbled instructions.  Perhaps I even walked through the steps once.  However, learning is a process and children need practice.  Do you realize how many steps there are in washing your hands or the complex motor skills required to dress oneself?   And how much effort does it take to demonstrate gratitude or self control?  There’s a big difference between ignorance or lack of practice and true defiance.

#2 – I must be mindful of every influence in my child’s life.  Children have a lot to learn and it is a process that cannot be stopped.  Either I choose to consciously teach them what they must know in a correct manner or they will look elsewhere and soak up whatever they can find, good or bad.  I also must be careful about the subtle influences they receive from media and the world around them in general.  It is up to me to be present and to assess the path each of my children is taking, even when I relegate aspects of learning to other institutions such as school or church.  The responsibility for creating a whole individual ultimately rests on me.

What an awesome and overwhelming responsibility!  Dear Lord, please be my strength and grant me wisdom and patience.